Monsieur

My first intercultural experience dates back to my early childhood. In fact, to be exact, to the day my mother gave birth to me.

Ok! Let me explain!

Our downstairs neighbors are Assyrians. The Assyrians are an ethnic group whose origins lie in what is today Iran, Iraq, Turkey and Syria. In addition to these countries an Assyrian Diaspora lives in Western Europe and Northern America.

Assyrians are mostly Christians. They believe, they – not the Armenians - are the first ethnicity to convert to Christianity and it happened during the lifetime of Jesus.

This Assyrian family comprises of a mother of over 90 years old and her son in his 70s. The husband/father passed away when I was a kid. There are two other sons/brothers who are living in the States. But there is no communication, whatsoever between American members of the family and the ones living in Iran.

I and my cousins, among ourselves, call the old man Monsieur. That usually is the way Iranians call old Christian men living in Iran.

Monsieur is a man of honor and decency. He is a humble man.

He used to work, before 1979 revolution, for an American company in Iran. But after revolution he never worked anywhere.

His style of life is very different from what we commonly see. He doesn’t have a TV set in his house. Up to two years ago, before he became gravely ill and depressed, his hobbies were listening to VOA English service and to read English Books, mainly about American history and politics.

Now and then I and Monsieur talk about politics, religion and life. When I was a teenager, I realized that I like to talk about these subjects. I was, as probably every man in his adolescence is, thinking that I have to change the world in one way or another. However, not many years later, I ascertained how ridiculous the idea is.

During our relationship I learned a few rules. First of all never tell a man about what he believes the way you believe in what he believes.

We used to chat about different religious things. Beforehand, for instance, I didn’t know the Jesus birth story, the way it’s been told in the New Testament (Luke 2: 1-20). So I told him the story the way I’ve always heard about in the school. And I was stunned when he told me the Holy Mary gave birth to Jesus in a manger in Bethlehem (the place later rebuild as a church and now is known as The Church of the Nativity), not beneath a palm tree – as it is believed by Muslims.

Second rule I learned was that never talk about a man’s faith, unless he talks about your faith (or generally, in what you believe) in a disrespectful fashion. I mean unless you have to protect yourself against defamatory remarks.

And that was not the case with Monsieur. He never talks about other people beliefs unless they talk about his beliefs from their own perspectives.

Well! I learned neither I can change someone’s opinions about the way he lives nor do I have to. The only thing I need to do is to respect those ideas, get to know them, even some times bring them to my life and live with them (I know it sounds a little bit grandpa-ish, but it is true).

And luckily, I learned these facts when I was a teenager.

Finally, the third one is a golden rule for me. And that is to keep silent when you don’t feel like argue about something. Later I discovered the rule was used in a complex manner by North American Apache tribes and is called by K.H. Basso in his article “to give up words: silence in western Apache culture”, Apache Silence.

Basso describes Apache silence as “a response to uncertainty and unpredictability in social relations”. It is an important element when you meet a stranger, in the time of romantic relationships and in the presence of other people’s grief (Hill & Watson, 2006, p.12).

***

“Intercultural communication occurs between individuals from differing cultural backgrounds. Cultural differences are a potential source of much miscommunication and misunderstanding” (Hill & Watson, 2006, p.51).

I and Monsieur are Persians. Thus we have similar cultural backgrounds. But at the same time we have our differences. He is an Assyrian. I am from Azeri origins (Although Iranian-Assyrians usually originate or live in Western Azerbaijan). He is a Christian and I was born in a Muslim family. Even if we look at it from Sapir-Whorf’s linguistic relativity hypothesis perspective, his thought, alongside with Persian language, has to be determined with Assyrian language.

In addition we have an age difference of about 50 years.

Therefore, there is an intercultural, inter-religious, intergenerational and even inter-linguistic relationship between us. And to tell you the truth, Monsieur is filled the empty place of my deceased grandparents.

Reference

Hill Anne and James Watson (2006). Dictionary of Media and Communication Studies. 7^th ed. London: Hodder Arnold.